Haters gonna hate until you stop them! 6 haters you listen to everyday. Guess what? It’s all in your head.Things happen in life that create certain thought patterns or self-judgement. This can be a result of a critical comment from a parent or the way you felt when you smiled at someone and they didn't smile back.
This self-judgement continues on throughout our lives often without us even realizing were doing it. Recognizing these thought patterns take away their power and set us on a path for happiness. Hater #1 Always and Never Thinking: Taking a single negative event and turning it into something that always or never happens. For example: "I forgot to pay a bill" can become "I always forget, what's wrong with me?" If there's something wrong with you, then there's something wrong with me and age has nothing to do with it. My 10 yr son is constantly forgetting to do chores and homework; wait, is it constantly or conveniently I forget which. To change this first recognize this always/never thought pattern, then try to remember that telling yourself you always forget isn't best. Instead, remind yourself that you sometimes forget and that is normal. We all forget things from time to time. Hater #2 Mindreading: This thought pattern usually leaves us feeling bad about our self. It's a result of what we perceive others to be thinking about us or something we've done and it's often negative. Subsequently, how we view our self is thrust upon another person and can really mess with our self-esteem. "They don't think I'm good enough" translates into "I don't think I'm good enough" Instead remind yourself that you are not a psychic and that there is no way to know what another human being is thinking without asking--unless of course he's a man then it's pretty obvious (drum roll please). No, but, really stop trying to read minds and keep your self-judgement positive. Hater #3 Should'a: This way of thinking puts the focus on how things should be or how I should feel, leading to severe self-criticism as well as feelings of resentment toward others. "I shouldn't feel this way" can be translated into "I understand why I feel this way" Thinking of what you should have done or how things should be can result in feelings of shame and guilt towards oneself. This standard can also be applied to others resulting in disappointment for expectations unmet. How many of us have cried during a commercial for tampons? Then over analysed our crying, which then leads to more crying. Why can't we just have a good cry about periods and be done with it. Hater #4 Taking it Personal: Taking everything personally can make us feel like everything is our fault. Anything that happens is somehow connected to something we did or said, even if that is impossible. "Emily didn't wave at me, she didn't like something I said" OR 'Emily didn't wave because she was upset about something that happened at work (which ultimately had nothing to do with me)' It wasn't so long ago when we thought the sun revolved around the earth. So of course, everything revolves around us. Right! Your so Vain, I bet you think this song is about you, don't you? Don't you? Don't you? heh! It's normal to take a situation and put yourself at the center; after all, the only perception we have is our own. From now on, try to take yourself out of the center and let things just be as they are. No judgement. Hater #5 Comparison: measuring oneself against others can foster feelings of inferiority, even when the comparison may be impractical. "The grass is always greener..." Another person may seem to have it all but are likely struggling in unseen areas that we could never know about or understand. Making comparisons places unrealistic expectations on ourselves to perform at levels that are often imaginary. Instead, become a principal of your principles or in other words make your own rules. Realize what your're measuring yourself against is a one size fits all when we come in all shape, sizes, and skill sets. Stop comparing and become the best version of yourself. No one else can top that. Hater #6 Fortune Telling: You feel as if you can tell the future and it is often bad. These predictions are often based on past experiences even if it has only happened once. "I'll never find a parking space" can become "we'll find the first available" Hey, if you are looking for parking at least your getting out of the house. Am I right? But seriously, I personally have spent a lot of time on worse case scenarios only to be let down by the the situation only being half-bad. Maybe if I hadn't assumed the worst and just let things be as they are, then it would have turned out just fine. Let's start to look for better possible outcomes. Seeing future events in a negative light often puts us in a bad mood from the start and can set the tone for the entire day. How can we start changing these negative thought patterns? First, observe the thought. Next, accept the thought. Then let go of the thought (Meaning don't get involved with the thought. Simply observe it), Lastly, follow up with non-judgment. Don't judge the thought or even the fact that you had the thought. Accept and Dismiss it. Try a positive thought in its place. I don't mean lie to yourself. I just mean find something that feels better. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is another great way to effect change and can be found at https://eft.mercola.com/. I use this method as well as mindfulness to develop new ways to navigate through and release negative thought patterns. If you could use some help, I offer services and tools that can aid you on your journey to emotional freedom. "Think positive! Why not? Give the negative thoughts some competition." Enter for you chance to Win a Free 3-Month Subscription Box for Enlightenment, Mindfulness, and Stress Reduction.
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How making mistakes will actually make you a better person. If your a person that is hard on themselves this article is for you. When we make a mistake we tend to feel embarrassed, stupid, or even frustrated. We feel as if we somehow should have known better, even if that is impossible. Why can't we move on without berating ourselves? It's time for a new perspective. Mistakes aren't failures, that's right I said it! Mistakes are actually just little steps towards success.
Mistakes are stepping stones to the experiences necessary for growth and understanding. You ever read a "Great" autobiography all about a perfect person? NO, Why? It would be a giant snooze fest! (zzzzz) BORING. These stories are chalked full of embarrassing moments with a few successes sprinkled in between. The mistakes are the stairs that lead us to become the best version of ourselves. Reason #1.) We can learn from them. No, I don't mean by constantly playing it over and over again in our heads, while we punish ourselves hoping this time it will stick. No! What I mean is; we can take this as an opportunity to view it in kindness, appreciate the experience and embrace the chance to seek a different outcome next time. Reason #2.) Connection. Our common thread. It's the connecting force of our experiences, the things we share in order to find common ground. It joins us and bonds are . Have you ever felt nervous at a new job and did something wrong? Which makes you feel better? The person training you says "Oh, don't worry that happened to me as well" or "Wow, what an idiot." The latter quickly separates and creates comparison, while the first unites and releases tension. These common experiences make us feel like we're not alone. There are other people going through what we're going through, and that's a great feeling. Isn't it? The truth is we really aren't alone and if we allow ourselves to share our short comings, more of us would know that. Reason #3.) Opportunity, some of the greatest inventions are born out of mistakes. Take penicillin for just one example. We are not often pushed to the limitless-ness of our imagination until something goes wrong. Without having made that mistake, we never would have met that person or had that connection or been at that right place at that right time. It's time we stop punishing ourselves for every little thing we do and start looking at ourselves with kindness and understanding. Let's change our perspective. Be kind and don't judge yourself so harshly. If you need help, try some of our services and tools that can aid your on your journey of becoming the best version of yourself. Live life free and thrive. How important is it to discover things in life? Well it teaches us and gives us new perspective. Your mom or dad can tell you something is Hot but until you experience it you will never truly understand. When we go through things in life, we gain understanding, relatability, and new perspectives that we could never attain by simply being told.
When we go through things and can’t figure out the purpose or meaning of it all, we get frustrated, angry, annoyed and hurt. It could be with God, ourselves or someone else. I’ve come to realize that things happen in the right timing, that means, all persons involved, time and space all line up for when we’re ready. I get it! Life is a Journey right! Instead of being told what to do, I am now discovering on my own, which brings even more understanding to the experience. Discovery is one of the oldest and greatest qualities of humanity, it’s what drives us. Why do you think we celebrate so many first? Our first kiss, our first born, our first love. It’s an important part of life. So when you ask for answers and they don’t come right away chalk it up to discovery. In life you must come to realizations that only take participation to learn. In fact some may relate to being told a thing time and time again and then waking up one day after experiencing it to the realization of the actual meaning. The important thing to take from this is “Life really is a journey” It’s the good and the bad, the ups and the downs and everything in between. Remember that the next time you are going through something you can't comprehend. Don’t get frustrated, Just BE! Understanding is coming, you just have to go through it to get there. |
AuthorMy name is Tamika Cole, I have long been on the journey for truth and enlightenment. For so long I had questions concerning life's purpose and all the traditional means just didn't hit the mark. I wanted more and I found my truths through meditation and being present. This page is my way of sharing what I learn with you. My hope is for it to spark questions within you and inspire you in your own quest. Archives
November 2017
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